Happy New Year

GoodBye 2010!!! Thank god!! You were a horrible ass of a year. I am glad to see you go!!

Hello 2011!!! Please, Please be nice to me this year, I think I deserve some a good luck this year!! Be kind to me and my family. We stuggled so hard last year that its time we get a little break. Also keep all of us in great health! I look forward to doing business with you!!!

Love, Me!!

No, really....poop on the wall!

So after this mornings disaster of a mess, I decided I should rename my blog. I think it fits my life perfectly!! Never a clean dull moment around my house.

So here is what happened: My four year old son Connor went in the bathroom to go potty, nothing unusual about that. He normally takes a while when he goes poop, but then again, who doesn't right? But after a few rare quiet minutes I sent my 10 year old daughter Cheyenne to check on him. All I heard when she walked in was a HUGE "CONNOR, OH MY GOD!!" So you can imagine hearing her scream that, my mommy instincts took over and I thought something was really wrong with him. Cheyenne then steps out into the hallway and proceeds to tell me what he has done. He had tried to wipe himself and didn't quite position the toilet paper correctly, so in turn the poop got all over his hands. So instead of telling anyone he decides to clean his hands off on my wall!!! No idea where he came up with the idea to do this, but my question is "You couldn't have used the towel that is hanging not even 2inches above where you smeared your crap?!?!" I mean really....


So here I am trying to clean poop of the wall, meanwhile I am yelling at Connor to wash his hands that he is touching all over his face (yuck) and I have a sick 16 month old attached to my leg. So, baby in one arm, poopy towel in the other hand.......you can see where this is going right? I go to walk out the bathroom and of course I trip over Connors firetruck.......poopy towel flung onto the hallway wall as I am trying to catch myself!! Thought I would spare you the image of poop on the wall, so instead you can see my very sick cheese doodle face Colby.

FML!!!!

Somethings gotta give!

Seriously feel as if I am going crazy!! Everything that can go wrong in life is!! Behind on all the bills, cant find a job. I mean come on!! I have been looking for a job for months now! I wanted to find something that would allow me to work from home, so I wouldn't have to put the boys in daycare. But I think I may have to give up on that dream. But even searching for a 'real' job outside the home isn't working!! NO ONE seems to be hiring!! Unless you are a truck driver or some kind of labor worker!! WTF!!!!

2 surgeries, 2 kids, 1 day------not fun!!!

So yesterday we had to take both boys to the hospital for outpatient surgery. One had to get tubes in his ears, the other had to have his nose cauterized so it would stop bleeding. Not sure how long that is going to last since he keeps sticking his damm fingers up there. Anyway, let me tell you that yesterday was a nightmare! Its bad enough that you have to take in one, but try a 3 yr old and an 11 month old in one trip!! I was upset to begin with that they both had to be put to sleep. But then we had to sit and wait for 2 hours!! WTF!! Tell me to be there at 8 and then dont start the procedures till after 10!! Here I am sitting back in the prep rooms with 2 kids who have not eaten or had anything to drink since the night before. The youngest is still on a bottle and wasnt allowed to eat anything after midnightt. Needless to say he was sooooooo not happy. The oldest was so bored and wanted to run up and down the halls and chase his brother.


Finally when it was time, the drs came to take the youngest first. I was worried that both boys would lose it and started screaming when they took them from me. But I was shocked that they allowed me to put on a gown and go back with each one to the operating room. They let me hold them while they put them to sleep. It made things so much easier on everyone. I didnt have to see my kids freak out when strangers took them, the boys were both calm since I was with them and the drs didnt have to deal with a screaming, kicking child. I was pleased after that!!

But yesterday was enough!! I don't need to go through that anytime soon!!! Note to kids--- please, please stay healthy and accident free so that we dont have to deal with the hospital anytime soon!! Whew, I was so stressed before I knew I could go back with them. i had to take 2 of my anxiety pills just to help calm me........didnt really help much.

OFFICAL WORD- I AM CRAZY

Went to the doctor yesterday and I am now on anxiexty & depression meds. So its offical I am CRAZY!!! I always knew I was a little different, but the result of the dr putting me on meds just proved my point. I have serious anxiety issues, my nerves are just shot. By the end of the day I just want to cry from all the stress. I hate shopping or going anywhere there are crowds, Hate anything out of my daily routine. As for the depression, I have been battleing that off and on since I was 20. I blame that onset on a bad breakup from I guy I loved and dated for 4 yrs (and 5 yrs after that, on & off).

The dr asked me why I was depressed, I told him a stay home with 3 kids, never go out anywhere by myself for adult time. After having kids I am now an enormous size that I hate. Hmmm what else would you like to hear?? Really, I would like to know the secret of those mothers out there that work full time jobs, have no help at home with the kids, have a spotless home and still are skinny bitches!! I want some of the water they are drinking (or their meds)!! I just dont understand it. I don't leave home to go off to work, but I just dont have the energy to anything for myself. I soend my days cleaning and running errands and taking care of the children. I just don't have the energy to work out!! I hate the weight that I am at now, and my goal for September (my wedding), was to lose weight. I went out and bought all kids of workout dvds and wii games to get me motivated. But alas, they did not to the job.


I feel these skinny mamas are either blessed with extremely great genes, or are on some kind of drug. My question is, what is it?!?!? I want to try it!! I was never a small person before I had my children, but damm what I would give to be that again!! I lost most of it after my 1st son was born, and as soon as I did I got pregnant with spawn #2. After he was born, I dropped some of the weight. Then 3 months ago, the dr put me on an anitdeppressant which caused me to gain it all back.

Seriously I am the size of an 8 month pregnant lady!! I weigh what I did when I was 8 months pregnant with my 2nd child!! So with all the weight gain in the past few months, the dr took me off that med and now we are trying something else. So hopefully the weight will fall off as fast as I put it on(in my dreams, right). He asked me what was worse- taking the meds and feeling some relief from the depression or gaining the weight. I quickly answered that one with WEIGHT!!! I feel most of the reasoning behind the evil depression is my weight!!! I hate leaving the house to go anywhere because I am always surrounded by small people.

I have no idea where 'being bigger' comes into my life. I was a toothpick up until I hit puberty and then I got a little bigger. I wasnt huge in high school, about a size 12-14. I was happy with that. I have 6 sisters, all of which are skinny size 4's, give or take. I think a few of them are smaller than that!! My mother is even tiny. She has had 5 kids, and does not look like she has even had 1!!! I blame it on my father!! Now he is not big by no means, he is tall. I am 5'10", I recieved my height from him. Now my mother & stepfather are both short- which gives you my 5 short skinny ass sisters!!

I am ranting now.....see, told you.....crazy!! Here I am venting my own crazy ideas and personal life to strangers, when I should be doing my workout or out walking with the kids. I seriously need a fire lit under my ass, wait, not a fire, a huge ass blaze to be started!

As for the meds, I am all for them. A lot of our society says there is a problem with over medicating. I feel that is false. If we were over medicating, wouldn't there be a drop in crime rates. Most people that commit these horrible crimes are people who end up using the insanity plea!! Maybe if they were properly medicated they wouldn't have commited the crime in the first place!! So there!!! Crazy drugs are a good thing!!

Demon child!!

So I just finished watching some show on the SyFy channel about people being posessed by demons. No more than ever I am convinced my child or spawn, is posessed!! One minute he is fine and talking normal, then the next he his making these awful annoying sounds or growling and flying around the house!! He throws things and screeches these horrible sounds that sound like a different language. He used to be so sweet and quiet, that is why I truely think he is now overcome by a demon. If anyone knows of a good exorcist, please send him my way!! Someone told me there is no terrible twos, its the terrible threes, but I am not so sure of that!!!

Getting older

My youngest is 11 months today!! Can't believe its been almost a year since the little bugger was born. Where did the time go? Plus next week I will be another yr older. Yuck! I'll be 28 and already have to dye my hair to cover up the grays!! I even have the early signs of crows feet. What the hell!! Seriously wondering if all of those anti-aging products actually work or if they are all a waste of money like everything else. And yes, I did jump on the band wagon and purchase a few!! What is it with women....when we were younger we couldn't wait to get older and now its like we just wish we could turn the clock back. Again my bi-polar theroy comes into play. Kids make us seem bi-polar, I swear!!! Its like this vicious cycle.

So its time to get myself dressed to go to the grocery store. Its sad that I actually put makeup on and all just to go get eggs and milk!! Most days are spent in my pjs or in sweatpants all day. So whenever I actually DO leave the house its like I am gong out somewhere on a date or something!!! Makeup, jewlery, hair did......you name it!! Oh my life is so exciting!!

Cape or no cape???

Seriously thinking of making my own Supermom outfit. Think maybe I can cash in on that shit! But I am trying to come up with a better super hero name than supermom. Maybe a tight fitted top and mini skirt and a matching cape? Oh wait, that sounds kinda like a sex fantasy gone wrong. Should I keep the cape, sounds kinda lame, but then again whats a superhero with out their cape? Hmmmm, I need a symbol, like batman and the bat light. Nevermind, I already kinda have that going on except mines not a light, mine is more like a sound---the sound of my kid crying. Hear the cry and in swoops supermom. GAG, ok nevermind, forget the whole supermom thing. Think I have just had my crazy moment of the day! Where are my crazy pills?!?!?!?!

Supermom

I really think that moms are a like a super hero. Whe have all the capabilities of a super hero, we just dont put on the cape everyday. We are like Clark Kent, we stay incognito. Who else can wake up every single day and do the things we do day in and day out. We can fix any booboo with a kiss or a band-aid, stay up all hours of the night with a sick baby and still get up and face the next day. We do it all. I am saying this because last night I lost my supermom powers, I had a melt down. I was so upset and stressed my anxiety got the best of me. I cracked to the point that I was sobbing. I don't know how many of you are like me but I live eat and breathe my children 24/7. I rarely get a break from playing mom and maid.

I don't have the luxery of going off to work for a few hours to just be an adult. I know some say I shouldnt complain, it was my decision to have them I should be happy. But come on, a woman NEEDS a break everyonce in a while! I don't have any other mom friends......oh wait I really don't have any friends anymore, they were lost once I had children, seems they didnt really understand that I couldnt go out all the time or just pick up and go at the drop of a hat. I lost my freedom. I don;t know who I am anymore, all I am is mom. What I would give for a day at the beach alone, or a shopping trip or just an hour where I can move without tripping over a child that is glued to my leg. I need adult time!

I wake up everyday and everyday is the same. I clean, change diapers, do the laundry, wash the dishes.....you get the point, I feel like a maid. The man of the house has been working long hours, so he can't help out. Lately by the time he gets home the kids are ready for bed.

But back to my melt down. It was so bad that I had to put my 10 month old in his crib and let him cry till he fell asleep. I was just so fed up at that point. He was being grouchy and fussy, then my 3yr old wasn't listening. He had gotten every toy out in his room, refused to eat anything but junk food, got all the dvd's out, dumped food all over the floor of his room, was being mean to his brother and dumped the clothes out of his dresser for the 3rd time. I seriously think he is in the terrible three's, I was always under the impression it was to be the terrible twos. NOT!! He was an angel then, now I look at him and think he is the spawn of satan some days. Where did my sweet little boy go? It looks like my baby boy, but he sure doesnt act like it some days!

I have come to the conclusion that children make mothers seem like they are bi-polar! One minute we are yelling at them to pick up their toys or to stop jumping or screeching. The next we are giving hugs and crying that they are growing up to fast. Is there a middle ground somewhere that I am not seeing? If anyone has found it would you please show me the way to get there, somewhere along the way I took a wrong turn!

Just a little...

I am a stay home mom so I guess you could say unemployed at the moment. I am 28 and still unsure about what I want to do with my life work wise. I would love nothing more than to stay home with my boys everyday if only I could find a job that would allow that. God knows we could use a second income around here. But since this area is pretty much a lost cause when it comes to jobs, I guess I am stuck. Somedays I am not quite sure though, about the whole staying home deal. By the end of most days I am ready to scream bloody murder and pull my hair out. Its bad enough that I am not quite 28 yet (almost), and I have to dye my hair due to all the grays I have accumulated over the past few years. I am engaged to marry the father of both my boys in September. It only took us 4 years and 2 kids later to get that accomplished. Don't get me wrong, I love him dearly, but somedays I would love to trade him in........a nice Edward (robert pattinson) would suffice nicely. Oh yeah, I am a twilight fan obvioulsy. I am on facebook and like most people I tend to vent on there about things, somedays its about the hubby-to-be. But some people took it alittle to serious and now have the nerve to question why I am getting married. HELLO, have you never been mad at some one and spouted of a line of crap about them. So now I have to watch what I say and quit complaining about the things that don't please me in my day on facebook. So instead I am now starting this blog!! If you are one of the crazy people that happen to read all of this, god bless you, and please don't take half of what I say seriously! I am an extremely sarcastic humorous person, who cant spell (apologies for that now), who likes to talk about my demented family and our weird ways. This is gonna be my way of expressing myself without causing any drama in my life since I am pretty sure anyone, if anyone, who reads this has no idea who I am!!!