OFFICAL WORD- I AM CRAZY

Went to the doctor yesterday and I am now on anxiexty & depression meds. So its offical I am CRAZY!!! I always knew I was a little different, but the result of the dr putting me on meds just proved my point. I have serious anxiety issues, my nerves are just shot. By the end of the day I just want to cry from all the stress. I hate shopping or going anywhere there are crowds, Hate anything out of my daily routine. As for the depression, I have been battleing that off and on since I was 20. I blame that onset on a bad breakup from I guy I loved and dated for 4 yrs (and 5 yrs after that, on & off).

The dr asked me why I was depressed, I told him a stay home with 3 kids, never go out anywhere by myself for adult time. After having kids I am now an enormous size that I hate. Hmmm what else would you like to hear?? Really, I would like to know the secret of those mothers out there that work full time jobs, have no help at home with the kids, have a spotless home and still are skinny bitches!! I want some of the water they are drinking (or their meds)!! I just dont understand it. I don't leave home to go off to work, but I just dont have the energy to anything for myself. I soend my days cleaning and running errands and taking care of the children. I just don't have the energy to work out!! I hate the weight that I am at now, and my goal for September (my wedding), was to lose weight. I went out and bought all kids of workout dvds and wii games to get me motivated. But alas, they did not to the job.


I feel these skinny mamas are either blessed with extremely great genes, or are on some kind of drug. My question is, what is it?!?!? I want to try it!! I was never a small person before I had my children, but damm what I would give to be that again!! I lost most of it after my 1st son was born, and as soon as I did I got pregnant with spawn #2. After he was born, I dropped some of the weight. Then 3 months ago, the dr put me on an anitdeppressant which caused me to gain it all back.

Seriously I am the size of an 8 month pregnant lady!! I weigh what I did when I was 8 months pregnant with my 2nd child!! So with all the weight gain in the past few months, the dr took me off that med and now we are trying something else. So hopefully the weight will fall off as fast as I put it on(in my dreams, right). He asked me what was worse- taking the meds and feeling some relief from the depression or gaining the weight. I quickly answered that one with WEIGHT!!! I feel most of the reasoning behind the evil depression is my weight!!! I hate leaving the house to go anywhere because I am always surrounded by small people.

I have no idea where 'being bigger' comes into my life. I was a toothpick up until I hit puberty and then I got a little bigger. I wasnt huge in high school, about a size 12-14. I was happy with that. I have 6 sisters, all of which are skinny size 4's, give or take. I think a few of them are smaller than that!! My mother is even tiny. She has had 5 kids, and does not look like she has even had 1!!! I blame it on my father!! Now he is not big by no means, he is tall. I am 5'10", I recieved my height from him. Now my mother & stepfather are both short- which gives you my 5 short skinny ass sisters!!

I am ranting now.....see, told you.....crazy!! Here I am venting my own crazy ideas and personal life to strangers, when I should be doing my workout or out walking with the kids. I seriously need a fire lit under my ass, wait, not a fire, a huge ass blaze to be started!

As for the meds, I am all for them. A lot of our society says there is a problem with over medicating. I feel that is false. If we were over medicating, wouldn't there be a drop in crime rates. Most people that commit these horrible crimes are people who end up using the insanity plea!! Maybe if they were properly medicated they wouldn't have commited the crime in the first place!! So there!!! Crazy drugs are a good thing!!